Depressing Depression

It’s hard to put your finger on what triggers depression. It’s insidious and builds and before you know it you’re in it. You want out, but putting one foot in front of the other is much harder than anyone who has never experienced it can imagine. Some people live with this – going in and out of a depressed state – for their entire lives. Not so with me, even though I’ve had bouts at different times in my life.

So many people in our age bracket live alone. Many of us are just scraping by. That, in itself, isn’t a predictor of developing depression. But I live alone and I’m writing from my perspective.

This doesn’t help, that’s for sure. Basement living can suck! All my windows are like this right now.

One thing I realized, was that my sleeping pattern became erratic. The hamster wheel in my head, after the lights went out, became very active. There’s a biological reasoning for that – the lights and what area of the brain becomes active. There are a lot of different theories out there on how to “fix” this. But one must get to the root cause of your own personal story.

For me, the over-riding theme of my life right now is asking the question – how secure will I be 10 years from now? Will I be content? A secondary concern is loneliness, but I’ll explore that later. My intent is to develop streams of income that WORK. I’ve realized that I have to work towards that goal on a regular basis. Maybe even every day right now. I’ve been putting that off for a few months. I’ve been actively working on my Bulky Socks & Cable Knitting Tutorial. More a labor of love than anything! But it’s done. I’m surprised by how hard it was to log on to this site and get back into posting. Knowing that nobody read this doesn’t help! 😉

I did it yesterday – logged on and created a post, and I slept very well last night. Is it anecdotal? Or is getting back to my purpose a real solution? I’m hoping it’s the latter.

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* Coffee Shop Owner * Caterer * Tea Shop Owner * Finance Manager/Loan Officer * Government Contractor * Convenience Store Manager * Accounting Administration * Wedding Seamstress

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