Dating in your 60’s can be a minefield. It is a minefield. There are just different sizes of mines, or different levels of detonation.
I don’t want to believe that all the good ones are taken. I want to believe that people can change, grown and become better after defeat or trauma. I want to see people examining their lives. I just haven’t seen it yet in the men I’ve met.
One of my first rules: I never give any contact information until after I’ve had a face-to-face meeting with someone. I want to talk and be able to see their facial expressions. I want us to be able to make corrections and clarifications and have friendly discussions and debate about issues that are important to us in person. Personally, I feel awkward talking over the phone with someone that I haven’t met. I think the balance of power is more equal in person. I like to email through the dating site for a bit. I’m fairly blunt about the things that are important to me in those emails.
Here are some examples of people I’ve met:
1. We met at the Dairy Queen around 4:30 p.m. on a Sunday. I had been emailing him through POF for a few days. He had said on Saturday, that he was out to dinner the night before with a woman and it didn’t go so well. He wished he had not done it and had gone out with me instead. Well, OK. On Sunday, I asked him what he had done that day and he said he met up with the woman from Friday and he called her a “nutcase.” While we were talking he received a phone call from a woman. It was a previous landlady. He told me that they were sleeping together; That he borrowed money from her to pay his rent and now he felt he had to continue with the sexual relationship. He said he felt like her “sex slave.” I’m guessing that he met up with the woman in the afternoon for sex, too. I’m glad I was forthright in telling him I wasn’t interested.
2. I think this guy was from Match.com. He told me enough about himself that I could google him and find out his last name. Then I found a news story about him where he had called and threatened someone. The recorded voicemail was actually played on the local news! I emailed him and told him that I had seen that and that I wasn’t interested in him anymore. A few days later, he showed up where I worked to apply for a job, saying that he knew the owner. I didn’t know it was him until he handed me the application with his name on it. Freaked me out! I must have told him where I worked, which surprises me. I try not to do that.
Something to think about – Don’t tell them where you work even on the first meeting.
3. I met Rick after some email interactions. It was a great first meeting. We talked for 5 hours. By the 3rd meeting, I suspected he was an alcoholic. Another thing he told me – that he kept his TV on 24/7. He watched TV almost every minute of his free time. He would come home from work, take a shower and climb into bed where his TV was. I mean seriously, TV was his priority! He said a woman would be welcome to join him. That was too weird for me.
4. I’m going to write an entire post on the man that got married while he continued to date me. There’s a whole shitload for me to unpack about that one. And it has a lot to do with my own frame of mind at the time.
I think the general consensus is that woman are needy. Men like to portray us that way and, maybe they’re right in some way. But, I think as we get older, the tables turn. Men become the needy ones and women become much more independent. Another really important thing to consider is how many of us, men and woman who are in our 60’s and don’t have any or adequate savings. We’re scared of our financial future. How will we survive into our 70’s and beyond? One way around the issue is to cohabitate. There’s nothing wrong with that. But you sure as shooting need to do it with the right person!
So I’ll continue to dabble in online dating. One never knows. But I think I have a good head on my shoulders. I’m not needy or desperate. I know what I want. At this time, I’ll stick with POF, since I can communicate with people for free.